Wat da Wat?

Photo by moonbattery

Warning: Some materials here may not be suitable for your senses. Please read with caution.
Growing up in the United States after taking a shit, I wiped my ass, like everyone else, with a toilet paper, preferably 3-ply. This all changed when I met my wife and she showed me the true and refreshing way of ass cleansing.

She told me that her way is the “Filipino” way of butt maintenance. Instead of using toilet paper to remove the excess feces from your arse, use water and soap. This will ensure complete cleansing thus eliminating the possibility of shit tracks on your undies.

Of course, as always, she was right! After my first washing experience, I really felt clean and refreshed. From then on, there was no going back. I bid farewell to Charmine and Angel Soft and with an open palm, I welcomed good ole’ H2O.

The first time I did it was quite strange and somewhat disgusting. It was weird feeling your own bum hole with your fingers as you wash. But this grossed out feeling quickly dissipated when I experienced that fresh from the shower feeling.

Since this great revelation occurred, I’d endeavored to discover how other cultures cleaned after doing “the number 2.” To my surprise, other cultures also used water regularly. Japanese and Turkish people are also ass washer and not ass wipers. In fact, their toilet bowls are outfitted with water sprays that will automatically wash you when you’re finished. So there’s no need to use your hands. The water pressure from the spray does all the job.

I know that some of you ass wipers are already thinking that this ass washing thing will not work if you are in a public bathroom. I beg to differ. When there’s a will to shit, there’s water to wash it. All you have to do is that before you do your business, you just have to make sure that you bring a water bottle with you so that you can fill it up before you go to your porcelain throne. Using baby wipes will also do the trick.

One thing that I don’t get though is that why didn’t my parents teach me this method when I was growing up. I’m sure they knew about it since they’re 100% Filipinos. I’m sure that they too are ass washers and not ass wipers. I guess they really wanted me to be an American, in every sense of the word.

Now, you might be wondering what prompted this useful post. If you regularly visit my blog, you would know that I’m in the Philippines right now. And since I’m here, I find it convenient to take a dump. Wherever you go in this country, the toilets will either have a water spray, or a pail of water with a 20 ounce cup to use for ass cleaning.

And since my children are also ass washers, they too feel the same way. My ass washing kids conditioned themselves to use the toilet in the morning before they leave for school or in the afternoon when they arrive from school. They don’t like using the toilets at school because American schools are not ass washer friendly. In fact, American schools are unequivocally ass wiper only schools. But that is not the issue here. The issue is whether you should become an ass washer or whether you should remain as an ass wiper.

If you still having difficulty deciding, then all I ask of you is to give it a try for a couple of days and you will feel a huge difference as soon as you go back to your ass wiping self. In addition, you will also save your ass from getting sore by wiping too much or too hard and you will definitely save some poor trees from being turned into ass wipes.

The choice is yours but NOW is the time for CHANGE. Do not be shackled with the old ways of ass cleaning.

To borrow a phrase from Senator Obama’s campaign, “Si, Se Puede.”

The title is in Filipino and it means “Goodbye, until next time.”

I will finally go to the Philippines today. I’ve been postponing my flight for the past couple of days now. Partly because of scheduling conflict and flight availability. If I get a seat today, I will be absent from my blog for at least a couple of days. But if  I get lucky and somehow find internet access during my stop-over in Japan, then I will probably be post something.

I’m going to the Philippines for two reasons. First, it would be the first time in a long time that the entire family will be together for an extended vacation. Second, this will be the first phase of “My Project”. I’m going to meet with the contractor who will renovate the building and I’m going to the Department of Education to take care of some bureaucratic requirements.

Meanwhile, if you are new here or you’re a regular, you might want to check out my previous posts. I recommend for you to go through the “Car Chronicles” category, it’s my sentimental favorite.

If you want to tickle your funny bone, you can check out these posts:

Nun Grading Papers

Drive-Thru Kids: Hold the Tantrum Please

Children Are The Cause Af Global Warming

10 Reasons Why Children Are God’s Way Of Saying Gotcha

Number One Parenting Tool: Bribery

Now, if you have some time to read through tons of comments, take a look at this post,  “Are You Sick Of High Paid Teachers?”

Please don’t go away, I’ll be back soon…

 courtesy of despair 

“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse,” Shakespeare.

In Shakespeare’s Richard III the title character, King Richard, in desperation after his horse was slain in battle, begged for a horse so that he can escape from his enemies. He then uttered the famous line written above.

Have you been in a state of desperation before that  you were willing to give up anything just so you can have what you need or want? When you were in a bind how often have you said, “what I wouldn’t give for a…” But do we really mean it? Or better yet, would we ever mean it?

Say for instance one of your love one, your parent, husband, sibling, or your child, is terminally ill. You are propositioned that if you give your own life your love one will live a long, healthy, and happy life. Would you do it?

Of course it is very easy to ask and respond to hypothetical scenarios. But for some people, making difficult choices and personal sacrifices is the norm. Some give up their career to care for their children. Some sacrifice their social life to take care of an aging parent. Some leave their homeland so that they can provide a better future for their family. And some give their life for their country.

While a career and life is definitely more valuable than a horse, Shakespeare had illustrated that there’s no limit to what any of us will sacrifice just so we can have what we need. For King Richard, a horse, as trivial as it may seem, is what he needed at that moment and therefore his kingdom is a fitting price to pay because without the horse, his approaching enemies will certainly make sure that he will lose his kingdom.

So in desperation or out of necessity, trivial objects like a horse or a can opener can be a life saver. If these inconsequential things can be that important at any given situation, we should then be mindful of the context of each other’s choices and sacrifices before we pass judgment.

Like Shakespeare, I believe that there’s no limit to what we would sacrifice in order to attain what we desperately need. What about you? Is there a limit to your sacrifice?

photo by Waller Library 

Hey America, my land, my country, tomorrow is your birthday and like every American I will celebrate it with food and fireworks and I will sing God Bless America with my right hand on my left chest and I will get choked up and thank the God Almighty that I’ve celebrated another birthday with you. But before I get into the celebration mode, I would like to ask you 13 questions.

Of course I have more questions but I’m restricting it to 13 in honor of the 13 original colonies who helped celebrate your first birthday. So here it goes:

1. Do you know where your children rank as compare to other children from other countries when it comes to Math and Reading test scores?

2. What would be the major effects of Universal Health Care in America?

3. Where do you stand on environmental issues?

4. Is Gay Marriage a civil rights issue or a moral issue?

5. What is your monthly cost for the War In Iraq?

6. What is the right thing to do when it comes to the issue of Israel and Palestine?

7. How come all Public Schools are not created equal?

8. Would you still be a world leader without your military might?

9. What do you think about making English as the national language?

10. Can American Big Business compete in the global arena without outsourcing its labor force overseas?

11. Would you react the same way you are reacting now if the illegal immigrants are coming from Canada instead of Mexico?

12. Will you ever amend the constitution so that a foreign born citizen can be president?

13. Are you ready for a Black Commander-In-Chief?

I would really appreciate it if you can answer these before your birthday but if you can’t I understand. I know that you will be busy preparing for the celebration. Meanwhile, I too need to get going and get ready for your party.

Have fun and Happy Birthday!

  photo by unit 5

There are approximately 400,000,000 people in America and I’m definite that every single one has their own definition of what America is. Like everything else in America, her meaning is illusive because by nature, America is an idea that when implemented, she materializes in different forms. If I am pressed to give a description or a definition of what America is, I will be compelled to give an anecdote instead of a sentence or two.

So what is America?

I was born in the Philippines and grew up in Chicago. As a teacher, I’ve taught all levels and all subjects. This year I had the privelage of teaching United States History to eight graders. Here’s a sample demographics of my students: a girl whose parents are white and black, a boy who’s white but he and his parents just arrived from the war torn country of Albania a few years ago, a girl from Bangladesh who wears a headscarf, an Iraqi boy who came to the United State after the first Gulf War, a Pakistani boy and an Indian girl, a Filipino girl who immigrated 3 years ago, a boy whose parents are from Haiti, and African-American boy who is being raised by his grandparents, an African boy from the refugee camps of Congo, a Mexican-American boy whose family has been in the United States longer than any of us can remember, a Mexican girl whose family just arrived to Chicago, a boy who was born in India but his parents are from Somalia and whose father now works for the Department of Homeland Security. Obviously, I have more students but for the sake of space, I’ll stop here.

In my classroom of a very diverse student population, American History was taught by a Filipino-American teacher. Here we learned that America is the land of freedom, justice, and opportunity. We also learned that America is a land of immigrants, and that somehow, sometime, we all came from somewhere.

We learned that our experience is no different from the Irish, German, and Italian immigrants from the 1900s. In this classroom of multi-linguals where ENGLISH is the MODE of INSTRUCTION, we learned that regardless of your race, status and enthnic background, you have a chance to make it big. Others might have a better chance and you may face great obstacles but still, you have a chance.

When asked the question, my students eagerly answered that America is free speech, making lots of money, being independent, voting without the fear of death, dissenting without imprisonment, and so on and so forth. And when the question was thrown back at me, which it usually does, I said to them that America is US. I explained that we are all a product of America’s past and in turn we will shape America’s future. Therefore, the very essence and definition of America is all of our collective experience.

No doubt that in the future, the face of America will change and as long as Lady Liberty continues to say, “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me. I lift my lamp beside the golden door,” America will continue to evolve but the ideals she holds will remain constant.

Now some my argue that what I’ve described here is not America. Fine.

If this is not America, then one can at least concede that the above description is the Promise of America.