Wat da Wat?

Photo by mlhanas
I had mentioned before on my previous post that at work I’m an expert at telling positive lies in place of negative truths. As an school administrator, I not only have to nurture our students’ feelings, but I have to do it for their parents as well.

When speaking to a parent about his or her child, one has to be aware that even if a parent is listening to a teacher’s comments objectively, the negative statements about his/her child doesn’t hurt any less. I know I’m good at what I do because I can empathize with every single parent. Like any other parent, my children, while they are definitely my source of inspiration and strength, they are also my Achilles Heel.

Any negative statements regarding my children, true or not, is like a dull knife piercing through my heart. Such was the case when one of my dearest and respected relatives spoke unfavorably about my children. While what she said was true and without malice, contextually it was hurtful.

And because I was hurt, I modified our entire vacation itinerary. Did I overreact? Probably? Was I too sensitive? With out a doubt! But my feelings were definitely valid and justified.Will I remain hurt and upset? Most definitely not. Life is too short to wallow in negative thoughts.

So imagine me, a person who is suppose to be professional, objective, and usually takes everything with a grain of salt, reacting the way I did. Now replace me with one of the many parents from any schools.

Yes, I believe in telling the truth! But I also believe in bending the truth to achieve a bigger and better outcome. When it comes to talking to parents about their children’s academic, social, and emotional progress or lack thereof, one must thread lightly and cautiously. If one sets out to tell the unadulterated truth to parents, one must be ready to face the repercussion, which is usually a hurt and a defensive parent. Besides, the truth is easy to swallow if it’s accompanied with sensitivity and care.

Most expert opinions and analysis are well intentioned. Most comments from caring relatives and family members are also well intentioned and without malice. But because we all have our emotional sore spots, all our comments need to be qualified so that our mouths don’t intentionally shoot arrows to our Achilles Heels of Emotions.

 photo by atheist.org

The Ninth Commandment says that “Thou shalt not bear false witness.” Sir Walter Scott was quoted saying, “What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” We teach our children not to lie and we abhor politicians, even though it’s expected, who deceive us. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman…Ms. Lewinsky,” President Clinton.

We know lying is wrong but why do we keep doing it?

Studies has shown that the average person lies 4 times a day. Of course if you are a parent of a 3 year old and a teenager, the number will probably quadruple, at least in my case.

From saying “I’m fine” even though you’re not, to “the check is in the mail,” although the check will not make it in the mail until the next pay day, it seems that we can’t shake the habit off. Are we, by nature, just a bunch of liars?

Obviously, some lies are innocuous but some are downright dangerous. So if there are different levels of lies, does this mean that some lies are acceptable and some are not? But isn’t a lie a lie and therefore no matter how small it is, it doesn’t make it right. This is like when you take an office supply from work and bring it home. No matter how small it is, stealing is stealing.

If lying is a sin no matter how big or small it is, then I’m surely going to hell because I do my fair share of white lies. Do I try not to lie, of course I do. But sometimes when I can’t get my 3 year old to eat his lunch without running around, I resort to some creative persuasion to get him to sit down. And don’t even get me started with work. In my professional life, I perfected the art of saying positive lies to replace negative truths.

I admit, I always tell my children and my students that lying is bad and that when they lie they will end up making things worse because they will have to create more lies to cover up their previous lies. Of course I mean every single word of what I say. Do I practice it? I do my best. 

Do I want my children and my students to be truthful? Of course I do. I know that they won’t be truthful one hundred percent of the time, but I do hope that as they mature, they will be able to differentiate what’s an appropriate lie and what isn’t. Is this the correct lesson to give them? I’ll leave that to the experts to decide.

Is it really possible to break the habit of lying, or is our society set-up to make breaking our lying habit difficult? I wish I have the answer…Do you?

by Parenthood in America 

You go to school to learn how to read and do math. To save lives and become a doctor, you need education. To cut somebody’s hair or wax someone’s eyebrows, you need training. Why is it that the most important job in the world doesn’t require schooling? What is this job you ask? It’s parenting.

Yes, being a mommy or a daddy is the most important job you’ll ever have. If you don’t get it right, you could possibly ruin plenty of lives in the future.

I would dare to assume that if you poll 100 people, 99% of them would agree that parenting is the most important thing a person could do. Now, with this in mind, why isn’t it required for people to go to school or training before they become a parent?

You read it right. I want parenting to be a required course in school. Think about it. When you went to school, before you can graduate, you were required to take art, gym, and some poetry class where you read poems written by some dead guy a long time ago. Now honestly, when was the last time you were called on to recite poetry by Keats, paint a still life, or demonstrate how to play pickle ball?

Now as a parent, don’t you wish that you’ve taken some courses in high school or college on the basics of parenting? If we make parent education compulsory, then we could possibly reduce the number of children who have “issues” because of bad parenting.

Of course a parenting class is only as good as its curriculum. Thank goodness that I’m an educator who is well versed in curriculum design. And as a coincidence, I have a parenting education curriculum that’s readily available for mass consumption. So here I am putting myself out again for the improvement of humanity. Below are sample courses that will be required for students to take before graduating from high school or college.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Guy In The Middle, The Family Genius, and Smiley Face have left the castle. As I write this post, they are in the middle of the Pacific Ocean on their way to Tokyo and will continue to Manila. They will spend 2 months in the Philippines marinating in Filipino culture, if not the heat, and spending quality time with their cousins. But most importantly, they will be getting away from the house chores and Daddy’s eternal nagging.

My children are growing up faster than I can blink my eyes. Two are already technically adults, one is almost 16 and the two youngest are sprouting like Jack’s beanstalk. While it is definitely exciting to see them come into their own, I cannot help but be sad with the inevitability that eventually they will all leave us.

The Prodigal Son’s penchant for travel adventures is occurring more frequently. The other 3 look forward to their yearly vacation and the youngest well, he’d rather be outside all day than hangout with his old man. With their desire to go out and travel, the trips to the airport have been happening more frequently.

Of course this is what Babe and I want. We want them to travel and explore. We want them to see the world and learn from it. We want them to understand that life happens outside our home, outside our city, and outside our country. We want them to see and compare their lives to the lives of the poeple that they meet in their travels. We want them to realize that while we all have different belief and values, within our core, we are all the same.

I’m truly happy that my children are getting the opportunity to travel early in their lives and I’m glad that they will be able to learn so much. But it’s still very difficult to see them wave goodbye to us as they board the plane.

Yesterday, when Babe and I got home from the airport, the house was empty. The Prodigal Son was still at work and CJ was with my sister-in-law and the other 3 were driving each other crazy in the plane. Babe and I should’ve been excited. In fact with the anticipation of having the house to ourselves, I even commented to The Family Genius before she left that her mother and I can have an alone time together at home and that we can finally walk around the house with our birthday suits. And predictably she said, “Eeeeewwww too much information.” But our empty house didn’t produce the excitement that we anticipated.

Instead of feeling euphoric, we felt like empty nesters. Last night as I tucked CJ to bed and instructed TPS to turn off all the lights, which he didn’t, before he goes to sleep, I felt incomplete. And as I write this post, with CJ already awake and bothering me, I still feel empty and Babe is just lying in bed awake staring at the ceiling. In a couple of days, I will get use to the sound of silence but the empty feeling will prevail until we are complete again.

Wait, I should stop being sappy. I’ll see them in month when the rest of us will join them in the Philippines. But you know what I mean though, right…?

On Sunday, June 8th, one of the proudest moment of my life happened. Unfortunately, on Monday, June 9th, my least favorite moments also happened; hence the title ”the best of times and the worst of times.”

Sunday, June 8th was commencement day for The Family Genius. It was a rough ride for the past one year and half but she made it. And despite all the setbacks, she still managed to receive the Presidential Award, the Illinois Scholar Award and the National Honors Society Merit Award.  

TFG’s accomplishments are not bad for a person who didn’t take school seriously for the past year because she saw school as a useless exercise whose aim is to curtail a person’s free expression through baseless rules and policies. Perhaps this is one of the downside of raising a person who’s analytical and a free thinker. Nevertheless, she made it. We made it.

Fresh from the joy of seeing my daughter march across the stage to receive her diploma, I had the unenviable task of informing students in my school on who will graduate or not graduate this year.

While my daughter’s accomplishments filled my heart, I had to sit next to parents, looked them in the eye and told them that their child will not receive his or her diploma. I had to listen to their pleas as tears rolled down the students and parents’ faces. As I repeated all the steps that our school had taken to help their child, I had to tell them that we have done all we could and that this year, there’s no more second chances because we’ve reached the end.

Being a parent, I too felt their pain. Although my children have been successful academically, there have been times when I had difficulty dealing with my children. There had been times when I didn’t know what to do anymore.

I am sure that some of the parents that I have spoken with on Monday didn’t really do their best to monitor their child’s academic progress. But there were also parents that I knew without a doubt that they bent over backwards to help their child. It’s these parents that I truly regret informing that their child failed to satisfy the school’s graduation requirements. 

The discussion between me and the parents took about 20-30 minutes. And most of the times, the parents kept repeating themselves. But, I sat and I listened. When they finished talking I said, “You have to keep in mind that even though things may look bleak right now, this is not the end of everything. This is just a bump on the road. Your child still has a bright future ahead because one year doesn’t make a lifetime.”

Then I looked at their son or daughter and said, “I’m confident that this will not happen again because you will learn from this day, right?”

I would get a nod from the student, I would get up from my chair and I would shake their hands and accompanied them to the door and I invited the next family to come in to my office.

Occasions like these usually puts my parenting life in perspective. Yes, at times it’s difficult to be a parent. But, compare to what I deal with everyday at work, I am very fortunate to have my children the way they are.

On Sunday, June 8th at 3:00 p.m., The Family Genius proved that I have nothing to complain about but everything to be thankful for.  And on Monday, June 9th, as I held meetings with parents and students who are not graduating,  I was again reminded of the fact that I’m the luckiest Daddy in the world.

There have been many times when my job has enriched my personal life and many times when my personal life has helped shape my career. This week is one of those times. I am truly lucky and I am truly blessed. And yes, even though it may be one of the worst of times, the best of times still overwhelmingly carries the day.