photo by duncans

I have a two and a half hour commute to and from work. During this seemingly unproductive time, I occupy myself with telling jokes with Smiley Face, listening to NPR, and watching people. Yes, I people watch on my rear view and side view mirrors.

It’s amazing what people do when they are in their cars. Some use the phone, sing, pick their nose, put make-up on, eat, drink, kiss, read, talk, and argue. These things are all very common and most of the time I just give a quick glance and look away. However, there’s one thing that always catches my attention. And no, it’s not the make-out session scene.

I get fixated at a particular car when I see people or couples argue. It’s actually quite comical. At one point you can see the man making wild gestures with one hand while the other hand is glued on the steering wheel. On the passenger side, you can see the woman equally emphatic with her facial expressions. As I voyeuristically watch couples argue, I am reminded of the old silent movies when actors speak but all you hear is the background music. This routine gets played out until one just gives up and looks outside the window and ignores the partner on the other seat.

However, the amusing routine becomes tragic when I spy children in the backseat. This is when I stop watching the couples and I try to concentrate on the children’s expressions. While the parents continue to rip each other apart, the children sit motionless in the backseat. They are trapped. They cannot go to their rooms, shut their doors and cover their ears with their pillows to avoid hearing their parents arguments. They cannot run outside in the backyard or run around the block. They just sit there motionless as they stare out the window wishing that they were in somebody else’s car.

As the Family Genius said one Saturday morning when this topic was discussed, “Why do people argue when they are in the car?” This concept is very foreign to my children because my wife and I do not argue in front of the children. And when we do have disagreements, we try not escalating it when they are around.

It is true that sometimes arguments between couples cannot be avoided but to have it in the car with the children in the backseat is equal to an emotional hostage. Is the argument more important than the children’s emotional stability that it needs to be held in the car?

Confinement is probably the main reason why couples argue inside an automobile. When the argument gets really heated, no one can really walk out. Both parties are forced to sit and listen to the other’s point. This may work but while both parties continue to belittle each other, they are also stripping away the respect that their children have for them.

Unfortunately, while we can legislate people’s eating, smoking, drinking, and driving habits, we cannot legislate people’s bad parenting habits. That would be something though if someone could get pulled over for arguing in the car while children are in the backseat. But this is just wishful thinking on my part. Like our homes, a person’s car is a person’s castle.

This is an in your face post to all the A-list bloggers out there with thousands of RSS subscribers and readers. Yes, I only have two averaged subscriber and sometimes it’s only one. But it doesn’t really matter, I am not envious or bitter because I know for a fact that GOD, yes the Almighty One, reads my blog.

How can I be sure? Read this!

Yesterday’s post was about how to listen to your children and how to be aware of their direct and indirect communication methods. I felt pretty good writing that post. I was able to really share some good information with my readers. This elation that enveloped me lasted the whole day. I was beaming with pride and confidence as I walk through the classrooms to observe some teachers and students. However, everything changed the minute we, Smiley Face and I, got into the car to go home.

I first asked how her day went. She said everything was great! So I said, “great.” I settled into my I’m getting ready to battle traffic mode. I turned on the music and I started to let my body relax. As soon as I pulled out of the school parking lot, God, with his/her divine humor, showed up.

Yes, God showed up! How? He made his presence known through my daughter Smiley Face.

Smiley Face started talking to me about her dreams. I turned down the radio and listened to her intently. It was the least I could do. Heck! I just posted on my blog the topic about listening to your children effectively. I would be the biggest hypocrite if I didn’t pay attention to my own daughter, my car buddy.

So, I listened. And listened. And listened some more. Geeeeez Loiiiis! She talked and talked and talked the entire trip, 1 1/2 hours worth of jabbing about dreams, video games, her analyzing dreams, her little brother’s dreams, and on and on and on.

I wanted to tune her off. I increased the radio volume a litte bit higher but she lowered it down so that I can hear her better. So I gave a lot of  really? huh? wow! you don’t say? that’s funny. ok. ok. ok…

I could not ignore her. I didn’t want to break the same advice I gave on my blog. I practice what I preach! But, oh how I wished she’d stop talking. I wished I had the courage to tell her to be quiet, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to stiffle her imagination and her self-expression.

By nature, Smiley Face, like everyone in the family, is a talker. But, like everyone in the family, she hardly speaks when she’s in the classroom. So after school, I become her default listener.

Wait, it gets better. When we got home, I thought my ears could finally rest. Sadly, God was not finish with me yet. As soon as we walked in, CJ, met us enthusiastically at the door and he started telling us stories about his day. Every time I look away, he would put his hands on my cheeks and made me look at him. I guess he was just trying to make sure if I was really listening to him. So, I got a healthy dose of “a day in a life of a 3 year old evil genius.”

My ears finally got their rest when everyone went to bed. I got ready for bed and acknowledge my true fan, God, that I got the message.

Maybe if I start going to church on Sundays instead of blog hopping, he would leave me alone?

Naaaaaaah…

Have you ever really looked at a child’s face and examine his or her expressions?

On our way to school this morning, the stop lights conspired against me. This gave me plenty of opportunity to look at my carmate. Nikki was specially quiet this morning, maybe because she was tired from riding her bike all afternoon yesterday. Or maybe she was just enjoying the morning sun as it gently carresses her face.

With her eyes closed and her new sunglasses perfectly positioned, she rode most of the morning commute with a smile on her face. Yes, early in the morning Nikki has a smile on her face. She is usually like this when she is quiet. And whenever I ask her why she’s smiling, she always says that she’s thinking of something funny.

Nikki’s smiley face actually is not unique. I have observed the same thing from my youngest, CJ. He also has a tendency to smile when he is quite and thinking.

Why can’t adults do this, smile when they are quite and thinking?

Nikki’s smiley face this morning was contrasted by the solemn and troubled face of every driver that I saw on the road. Perhaps because it’s early morning. But, if you really take the time to watch an adult’s face when she is walking or driving, you will see that she has worries written all over her expression.

Unlike Nikki and CJ, adults, myself included, are probably not thinking about something funny. Most are probably occupied with thoughts of bills, work and family problems, or the damn traffic! It’s no wonder that a simple smile is difficult to come by.

I guess this is why I love being around children. For them, everything is simple and funny. They are easy to please and are very appreciative of any attention you give them. They don’t dwell on the past and they certainly know how to live in the present. And most importantly, they are a constant reminder of the good things in life. Good things that make you smile.

It’s just sad that children have to grow up and be a part of the worrisome adult world. When I watch my teenage children sleep, which I often do but they don’t know about it, the peacefulness that they used to have when they were younger has disappeared and it’s replaced by an expression of angst. And, this troubled expression only gets worse as they grow up. Once fully grown, they will develop a permanent scowl even as they sleep.

So perhaps in order to maintain our youthful glee and prevent ourselves from scowling to our graves, we should stop telling ourself to grow up. Instead, we should encourage each other to stay young. We should learn how to deal with our problems like children. Children deal with their problems when they face it. Once the problem is not in their immediate presence, they don’t think about it and they just focus on what is infront of them. This explains why children manage to keep their minds free from worries and occupy it with images of Sponge Bob or Little Bill.

So as adults, in the midst of our quite state, we should put away all the grown up things and bring back our childish thoughts. Maybe then we will be able to again smile like a child.

On our way to school this morning, Nikki and I got into a conversation of what makes a good teacher.

We disagreed on somethings about good teacher qualities. However, we agreed that there is no such thing as a perfect teacher because like everyone else, teachers also have good and bad qualities.

Out from nowhere, I thought came to me and I said, “Nikki, what about Jesus?”

“What about Jesus,” she answered.

“Isn’t Jesus a perfect teacher? What if Jesus is a school teacher?!” I exclaimed.

“Yea, that would be cool.” Nikki stated.

“Just imagine what he can do as a school teacher?” I said.

Nikki smiled and we both began coming up with cool things that Jesus can do in the classroom and in the school. We came up with a lot of great things but we narrowed it down to the Top 8 Things that Jesus can do if he was a school teacher.

(more…)

If one of your friends or co-workers stink would you tell them?

This topic came up when my wife and I gave a ride to one of her clients; her clients were husband and wife. The husband reeked!

When they got off the car, my wife and I got into a long conversation of when and how it’s appropriate to tell someone that their BO is kickin’ it. Of course being the wimp that I am, I said that I probably won’t have the courage to tell anyone that they smell. Case in point, I have friends who smell but I have never had the courage to say anything.

My wife, on the other hand, can be brutally honest when she wants to be. She said outright that she will say something if she knows the person well enough. And, she gave me names of our friends and her co-workers whom she had spoken with about their stinkyself.

Now that I know what two adults will do with this dilemma. I was curious as to what children will do when they are in this situation. On our way home last Monday, I decided to pose the question to Nikki, my resident 11 year old expert on religion, politics, and life in general. 

“Nikki, if one of your friends or your teachers, or aunts smells badly, would you tell them that they stink.” I asked.

She paused for about 10 seconds, taps her left index finger on her chin and said, “I don’t think I will say anything.”

“Why not?” I said.

“Well, Daddy, what if I say something and hurt their feelings? Plus it’s rude!” She exclaimed.

“So are you telling me that you would rather suffer the horrible smell, even if it is giving you a headache and will make you throw up, than tell a person that they stink?”

After my statement, she looked at me and said, “Yes I would.”

I wish I could be like my wife and be honest with friends and colleagues but I can’t. Like Nikki, I would rather suffer the stench than hurt someone’s feelings.

But, come to think of it, if I was the one who’s projecting malodorous body aroma, I would want someone to tell me so that I can at least put some cologne or deodorant. How come it’s so difficult to let someone know that they stink?

What about you? Would you say anything?