Wat da Wat?

This week is the last week of school for Smiley Face. Naturally our car conversations will end this week. And for the following week, as I wrap-up end of the year stuff at school, I will be driving to work alone. While it’s only one week, I will miss driving to work with Smiley Face. So as a tribute to our time together this year, I will post our last thought provoking conversation and I will repost my favorite Car Chronicles conversation.

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On our way to school, Smiley Face and I always listen to NPR. The news for the past month or so has been terrible. Natural calamaties around the world and in the United States have claimed many lives.

The morning when we learned about the Cyclone that devastated Myanmar, Smiley Face ask me the following question:

“Daddy, if people don’t die and earthquake, cyclones, and tsunamis happened, would you say that what happened was ca-tos-tro-phic, did I say it right?”

“Yes you said it right. I guess if no one died then it’s not catastrophic. It would still be bad though because people will definitely be hurt.”

“But if no one is hurt and no people were around to feel the effects of these things, would it still be ca-tos-tro-phic?”

“I guess not.” I answered.

“Yeah, I wish people didn’t have to live in places where they can get hurt.” She said with sadness.

“I’m there with you.”

We usually listen to NPR until we are close to the school and then we change the station to listen to music. But that day, even though we were still 45 minutes away from school, we started listening to music.

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Editor’s Note: The Holy Trinity was originally posted on January 29, 2008, Wat da Wat’s first post, categorized under Car Chronicles.

The Holy Trinity

Jan-29-2008
Car Chronicles, Parenting

On our way to school this morning the issue of religion crept into our conversation. I wished I had the luxury of searching Google when Nikki asks me the following question.

“Daddy, how can God be Jesus and the Holy Ghost at the same time?”

I had to pause. I was at a lost for words; a spiritual map would have been good right about this time to help me navigate through this difficult concept. I wanted to throw in a couple of jokes but thank God I didn’t.

I told her that this is a concept that even adults have difficulty understanding. But out from nowhere as I made my turn on Devon and Kedzie, an answer came to me.

I asked her, “Nikki what’s Daddy’s job?”

She said, “You are a teacher.”

“You are correct” I stated.

“I am also your father, Grandma’s son, Tita Lei’s brother, and Mama’s husband.”

“I am all these things but I am the same person. That’s how God is. God is the son and the Holy Ghost and still be the one God.”

As always, she looked at me gave the same smile she always gives and went back to watching the stores and cars as we passed them by.

Last Friday on our way home, I noticed that the temperature was at 55 degrees.

“Man Smiley Face look at that temperature, it’s 55 degrees.”

Smiley Face said, “Where Daddy?”

“Up there on that billboard.”

“Well, let’s be thankful it’s not 54 or 53 degrees,” she said.

I shook my head and smiled.

Today, Tuesday, May 27, 2008, it’s around 50 degrees. Smiley Face was right. I should’ve been thankful when it was 55 degrees.

Sometimes I wonder who is the adult  in the car. 

photo by the shape people

On the way home, Smiley Face brought it to my attention that she’s already 11 and soon she will be a teenager.

I said, “Oh no, you’ll no longer be a cute little girl.”

“Yeah, I won’t be ACUTE angle anymore I’ll be a Right angle.” she replied with pride after making her math pun.

“What?” I answered.

“You know, before I was ACUTE because I’m your little CUTE girl, now that at I’m 11, I’m a RIGHT angle because I’m at a RIGHT age where I will still do everything you say. But, when I become a teenager, I will be an OBTUSE angle because I’ll be trying to stretch myself out to be bigger than I am.”

I slowed the car down, looked at her and said, “Huh?”

“Dadieeee.”

“Ok, if you are a right angle, what am I?”

She could barely contain her excitement and said, “You’re a triangle because you have three sides.”

“What do you mean I have 3 sides.”

“Well, you’re funny, serious, and tired. That’s it, three sides.”

“Ok, what about Mama, what shape is she?”

“Oh, Daddy that’s so easy. She’s a circle because she’s perfect.”

“How come Mama gets to be a perfect circle and I’m a triangle?”

She laughed and said, “That’s just the way things are.”

“Hmmmmm…what about your brothers and sister”

“Ok. The Guy In The Middle is an IRREGULAR shape because he is just plain weird. The Prodigal Son is an OBLONG shape because his face and body is OBlong. My sister, The Family Genius, is a POLYGON because there are so many sides to her. Sometimes she’s happy, other times she’s sad, and on and on and on. Now Sylar on the other hand is the new ACUTE angle because he is so cute even though sometimes you want to smack him around.”

“Man, you’ve really thought this thing through, huh?”

She smiled and said, “Of course. Will you post this on your blog?”

I said, “Maybe, if I don’t have anything important to say.”

She tilted her head to the right, looked at me, smiled and looked away. Meanwhile, I kept my eyes on the road and I kept thinking how I became a triangle. Well, at least she didn’t say that I was a square.

photo by coolcards

This weekend we visited my parents to celebrate Mother’s Day. As my wife and my sister-in-law chatted with my mom in the dining room, I sat next to my dad to watch the Cubs game. As usual, in between his nodding off and yelling “hit the ball, man,” he would turn to me and ask how everything is going. And of course, I would say that everything is fine and we would proceed to talk about the children, sports, my sisters, and life in general.

On occasion he would give me a big smile and a head shake because he couldn’t believe how crazy I get sometimes with my ideas about life and politics.

During this light-hearted exchange, I can’t help but notice how my dad has aged. The years of work and responsibility has made their mark on his face and hands. As I examined his countenance during one his nodding off spell, I’m reminded of one of the many conversations that Smiley Face and I had in the car.

During one of our long trek home,  Smiley Face  looked at my hair and said “Daddy, you have a lot of gray hair.”

I kept my eyes on the road and responded, “I know, Daddy’s getting old.”

“But I don’t want you to get old,” she answered back.

“It’s ok,” I said. “We all grow old.”

She looked at me and said, “I still don’t want you to get old because when people get old, they die.” Then, as always, she looked away and continued to look at the stores, the people, and the cars that we passed by.

“Don’t worry, I going to be a live for a long time. Plus, I’m going to make sure that I’m around when you have your own children so that I can teach them how to be crazy like you.”

With this last comment, she again looked at me and gave me one of her patented smile.

After a conversation like this, I usually would change the radio station to the one she likes just to get another smile from her. And to top it off, I would sing a long with the music and of course she would cover hear ears pretending to hate my singing.

There’s never an easy way to deal with topics such as death. Until now, I still have difficulty grappling with my parents own mortality. I am sure that my children feel the same way. Smiley Face already knows that death is a part of life so there’s no need for me to elaborate. What I try to do whenever my children present this issue is to re-focus their thoughts to the more positive aspect of death, which is the life that preceeds it.

photo by duncans

I have a two and a half hour commute to and from work. During this seemingly unproductive time, I occupy myself with telling jokes with Smiley Face, listening to NPR, and watching people. Yes, I people watch on my rear view and side view mirrors.

It’s amazing what people do when they are in their cars. Some use the phone, sing, pick their nose, put make-up on, eat, drink, kiss, read, talk, and argue. These things are all very common and most of the time I just give a quick glance and look away. However, there’s one thing that always catches my attention. And no, it’s not the make-out session scene.

I get fixated at a particular car when I see people or couples argue. It’s actually quite comical. At one point you can see the man making wild gestures with one hand while the other hand is glued on the steering wheel. On the passenger side, you can see the woman equally emphatic with her facial expressions. As I voyeuristically watch couples argue, I am reminded of the old silent movies when actors speak but all you hear is the background music. This routine gets played out until one just gives up and looks outside the window and ignores the partner on the other seat.

However, the amusing routine becomes tragic when I spy children in the backseat. This is when I stop watching the couples and I try to concentrate on the children’s expressions. While the parents continue to rip each other apart, the children sit motionless in the backseat. They are trapped. They cannot go to their rooms, shut their doors and cover their ears with their pillows to avoid hearing their parents arguments. They cannot run outside in the backyard or run around the block. They just sit there motionless as they stare out the window wishing that they were in somebody else’s car.

As the Family Genius said one Saturday morning when this topic was discussed, “Why do people argue when they are in the car?” This concept is very foreign to my children because my wife and I do not argue in front of the children. And when we do have disagreements, we try not escalating it when they are around.

It is true that sometimes arguments between couples cannot be avoided but to have it in the car with the children in the backseat is equal to an emotional hostage. Is the argument more important than the children’s emotional stability that it needs to be held in the car?

Confinement is probably the main reason why couples argue inside an automobile. When the argument gets really heated, no one can really walk out. Both parties are forced to sit and listen to the other’s point. This may work but while both parties continue to belittle each other, they are also stripping away the respect that their children have for them.

Unfortunately, while we can legislate people’s eating, smoking, drinking, and driving habits, we cannot legislate people’s bad parenting habits. That would be something though if someone could get pulled over for arguing in the car while children are in the backseat. But this is just wishful thinking on my part. Like our homes, a person’s car is a person’s castle.