How To Clean Your Arse: A Revelation
Photo by moonbattery
Warning: Some materials here may not be suitable for your senses. Please read with caution.
Growing up in the United States after taking a shit, I wiped my ass, like everyone else, with a toilet paper, preferably 3-ply. This all changed when I met my wife and she showed me the true and refreshing way of ass cleansing.
She told me that her way is the “Filipino” way of butt maintenance. Instead of using toilet paper to remove the excess feces from your arse, use water and soap. This will ensure complete cleansing thus eliminating the possibility of shit tracks on your undies.
Of course, as always, she was right! After my first washing experience, I really felt clean and refreshed. From then on, there was no going back. I bid farewell to Charmine and Angel Soft and with an open palm, I welcomed good ole’ H2O.
The first time I did it was quite strange and somewhat disgusting. It was weird feeling your own bum hole with your fingers as you wash. But this grossed out feeling quickly dissipated when I experienced that fresh from the shower feeling.
Since this great revelation occurred, I’d endeavored to discover how other cultures cleaned after doing “the number 2.” To my surprise, other cultures also used water regularly. Japanese and Turkish people are also ass washer and not ass wipers. In fact, their toilet bowls are outfitted with water sprays that will automatically wash you when you’re finished. So there’s no need to use your hands. The water pressure from the spray does all the job.
I know that some of you ass wipers are already thinking that this ass washing thing will not work if you are in a public bathroom. I beg to differ. When there’s a will to shit, there’s water to wash it. All you have to do is that before you do your business, you just have to make sure that you bring a water bottle with you so that you can fill it up before you go to your porcelain throne. Using baby wipes will also do the trick.
One thing that I don’t get though is that why didn’t my parents teach me this method when I was growing up. I’m sure they knew about it since they’re 100% Filipinos. I’m sure that they too are ass washers and not ass wipers. I guess they really wanted me to be an American, in every sense of the word.
Now, you might be wondering what prompted this useful post. If you regularly visit my blog, you would know that I’m in the Philippines right now. And since I’m here, I find it convenient to take a dump. Wherever you go in this country, the toilets will either have a water spray, or a pail of water with a 20 ounce cup to use for ass cleaning.
And since my children are also ass washers, they too feel the same way. My ass washing kids conditioned themselves to use the toilet in the morning before they leave for school or in the afternoon when they arrive from school. They don’t like using the toilets at school because American schools are not ass washer friendly. In fact, American schools are unequivocally ass wiper only schools. But that is not the issue here. The issue is whether you should become an ass washer or whether you should remain as an ass wiper.
If you still having difficulty deciding, then all I ask of you is to give it a try for a couple of days and you will feel a huge difference as soon as you go back to your ass wiping self. In addition, you will also save your ass from getting sore by wiping too much or too hard and you will definitely save some poor trees from being turned into ass wipes.
The choice is yours but NOW is the time for CHANGE. Do not be shackled with the old ways of ass cleaning.
To borrow a phrase from Senator Obama’s campaign, “Si, Se Puede.”
(Or if I pull out my convenient hand sanitizer frequently…)
