A Tangled Web

thou-shalt-not-bear-false-witness.jpg photo by atheist.org

The Ninth Commandment says that “Thou shalt not bear false witness.” Sir Walter Scott was quoted saying, “What a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” We teach our children not to lie and we abhor politicians, even though it’s expected, who deceive us. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman…Ms. Lewinsky,” President Clinton.

We know lying is wrong but why do we keep doing it?

Studies has shown that the average person lies 4 times a day. Of course if you are a parent of a 3 year old and a teenager, the number will probably quadruple, at least in my case.

From saying “I’m fine” even though you’re not, to “the check is in the mail,” although the check will not make it in the mail until the next pay day, it seems that we can’t shake the habit off. Are we, by nature, just a bunch of liars?

Obviously, some lies are innocuous but some are downright dangerous. So if there are different levels of lies, does this mean that some lies are acceptable and some are not? But isn’t a lie a lie and therefore no matter how small it is, it doesn’t make it right. This is like when you take an office supply from work and bring it home. No matter how small it is, stealing is stealing.

If lying is a sin no matter how big or small it is, then I’m surely going to hell because I do my fair share of white lies. Do I try not to lie, of course I do. But sometimes when I can’t get my 3 year old to eat his lunch without running around, I resort to some creative persuasion to get him to sit down. And don’t even get me started with work. In my professional life, I perfected the art of saying positive lies to replace negative truths.

I admit, I always tell my children and my students that lying is bad and that when they lie they will end up making things worse because they will have to create more lies to cover up their previous lies. Of course I mean every single word of what I say. Do I practice it? I do my best. 

Do I want my children and my students to be truthful? Of course I do. I know that they won’t be truthful one hundred percent of the time, but I do hope that as they mature, they will be able to differentiate what’s an appropriate lie and what isn’t. Is this the correct lesson to give them? I’ll leave that to the experts to decide.

Is it really possible to break the habit of lying, or is our society set-up to make breaking our lying habit difficult? I wish I have the answer…Do you?

Posted July 8, 2008 by Wat Da Daddy | Digg | Stumble | 14 Wat Da Comments

  1. RC Said,

    I think society is set-up to make breaking the habit difficult. Case in point: A workplace will only accommodate any worker so much, even if you are a mom of a sick child. At some point, they won’t accept that excuse, even if it is the truth, for why you need to take time off.

    It is just easier to to say I need to use my vacation hours for other reasons, at the moment.

    RCs last blog post..Scratch the antibiotic

  1. Dr.Cason Said,

    What a tough question. I think most people will agree that stretching the truth and little white lies are not as harmful as a bold-face lie.

    Just yesterday, my youngest and middle said that the oldest hit the youngest. The oldest vehemently denied it. I asked her are you lying? (that used to work- she’d say Yes!) This time she shifted and said no. (She was soooo lying and I knew it) I finally looked at her and said if you’re lying then you’ll get in more trouble for lying than for hitting your brother. She came clean. So I asked her why did you lie? She said, I didn’t. I was telling the truth. I didn’t hit him. I kicked him.

    BTW- I love when blogs set outside their niche and tell me what they are really thinking. It makes it so much more interesting. Great post!

  1. kbreints Said,

    In society so often we do “stretch the truth” but do I really want to hear about a perfect strangers day? Most likely not, I would rather hear “I am fine” than my morning was hell….. that opens up pandora’s box…

    kbreintss last blog post..How many are you?

  1. Sandy (Momisodes) Said,

    Man, can I relate to the professional side of positive lies. It was awfully tough telling families their child was near death that day, or probably wasn’t going to make it. Often times when the truth hurts or can cause unnecessary hurt is when not lying is the toughest.

    And if little white lies count, I’m going to hell too :(
    Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..Flipping Out

  1. Wat Da Daddy Said,

    @RC– Yup, we’ve all been there before.

    @Dr. Cason–I’ve also caught my children and my students doing the same thing. Is it a matter of instictual self-preservation?

    @kbreints–Sometimes I just don’t ask people how they are because I really don’t want to hear their terrible weekend. When I’m asked the same question, my standard answer when I’m not doing well is “Hangin’ in there…”

    @Sandy–I there with you. I face these things everyday at work. Sometimes I do want to tell the whole unadulterated truth, but wisdom and experience prevents me from doing so.

  1. Lance Said,

    When we take a good hard look, I think we all lie at times. I guess the key for me is that the lies are not malcious, and they are small (and infrequent).

  1. Focus On Your Money Maker Said,

    So is the lie in the question or in the answer. Maybe I ask someone how they are doing, but I don’t really care. Is that a lie that I don’t care and therefore only want to get the “I’m fine” answer?

    The other question then becomes, what is the lie? Is it the words or the meaning behind the words. You said that “Hangin in there” is different than “I’m fine”. However, the end result is the same.

    Great post with something to think about. I love it!

  1. TPS Said,

    Who cares. Lies are just a bunch of words. We have mouths so we can manipulate words. Any lie that has a bad consequence is a bad. Any lie with a good consequence is a good.

  1. Grandy Said,

    Oh, this is a quandry I walk every day with my son. He lies constantly about stupid things.
    Did you clean the cat litter? - Yep!
    Really? There are still turds in here!
    Did you stack the firewood? - Yep!
    No wood.

    I am working with him (and myself) to try and remove that option from the equation. I will just check the litter, wood, homework (etc) and remove the possibility for him to lie. Then, I remind him that he need not answer the question the way he thinks we want to hear it. There is no right or wrong answer, except the truth. I know…it makes me sound like a fortune cookie…but it seems to be a good reminder for him…for now.

    By the way, I have an award for you over at my site. Come take a looksie. :)
    Grandys last blog post..Arte Y Pico Award

  1. Dette Said,

    Hmnnn… definitely a thought to ponder. But I don’t think the little white lies will give us a ticket to the fiery gates… question is - how does one determine if a lie is a little white one or not?

    Where is the line between protecting someone from the truth, or hurting them by hiding the truth?

    I’ve always wondered how adoptive families deal with this one - do you tell the child, and if so, at what age is appropriate?

    Dettes last blog post..Bugger Needs a NAP!

  1. Urban Panther Said,

    I used to lie as a child all the time, as my golden motto was Avoid Conflict At All Costs. Then I grew up and realized that it is far better, and in the end, far less conflictual to meet issues head on. I try to always admit an error I have made. And I certainly try not to lie, even little white ones. But there are times you know if you open your trap you are going to hurt someone needlessly. On those occassions I call into play, what I call, Lying By Omission. In other words, it’s what isn’t said that becomes the lie. Even that makes me uncomfortable.

    I like Grandy’s point about taking lying out of the equation. I tried very hard with my kids, to phrase questions such that they couldn’t lie. For the kitty litter example, if it was obvious it wasn’t done I would say “When are you doing the kitty litter?” as opposed to “Did you do the kitty litter?” Exhausting process, but parenting is, eh?

  1. Barbara Swafford Said,

    I think lies are told all of the time, often to protect another person’s feelings or to make oneself look better. It’s when we get caught in those lies that a problem arises.

    I think if we become aware of what we’re saying, and can find a better way to answer a question, we can eventually not lie quite so much.

    Speaking the truth is a better habit to get into.

    Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Your Today Is My Tomorrow

  1. vered Said,

    “I know that they won’t be truthful one hundred percent of the time, but I do hope that as they mature, they will be able to differentiate what’s an appropriate lie and what isn’t. Is this the correct lesson to give them?”

    I think it is. Lies have their purpose. We can’t be honest all the time. I find that I am often too honest for my own good, and trust me, there’s a price to pay for being too honest.

    vereds last blog post..Google Search Terms: The Funny, The Sad, And The CREEPY

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