photo by Star Bulletin 

When you grow up in a society where mainstream society doesn’t represent or look like you, you will question your own identity. Such was my case.

Growing up I always wondered what and how it would be like to be White and not Filipino. While I didn’t hate how I looked, I did however prefer to be the “other” dominant race. Think about it? Any child would prefer it. Just imagine not being ask constantly what your “nationality” is. And when you say your “nationality” is American, then the next comment will be, “No, what I meant was where are you from?”

So to save yourself from further discussion, you tell them that your Filipino. Yes, when you are White in America, you are never asked what your nationality is or where you are from, even if you have a very thick Eastern European accent. It was just the way it was when I was growing up.

As a school aged and a teenager of color, I was always reminded of who and what I was. My parents reminded me that I shouldn’t try to act too American because I’m Filipino. American society also reminded me that I’m not really fully American because of the way I look.

To make matters worse, I also got the hypothetical question that went something like this, “If America goes to war against the Philippines, who would you fight for?” So, somehow because of the way I look, my loyalty was suspect. Of course my friends who were Irish, Polish, and Jewish were never asked the same question because since they are White, it was assumed that they are American and their loyalty and patriotism was never in questioned.

Ironically, I thought I wouldn’t go through the same experience when I lived in the Philippines for two years. While I certainly fit in because of my appearance, I immediately felt that culturally and emotionally, I wasn’t really Filipino. My students, friends, and relatives confirmed my notion when they stated that I act too much like an American.

What a dilemma, huh? So the identity crisis continued!

Fortunately, now that I’m older and more secured with who I am, I’m no longer at the state of confusion. I acknowledge and respect my Filipinoness and I will never deny myself of my parents’ culture. But in my years of searching, I have discovered that I’m an American first and foremost.

I think, act, and feel American. Yes, I was raised with Filipino culture and values but what I’ve discovered is that those same Filipino values have been mixed with American values. Consequently, as a benefit of my experience, my children do not have to feel confused about their own identity. They look Filipino and even speak the Filipino language but their thoughts, feelings, and culture is very American. Even my wife who is born and raised in the Philippines is very American.

This just goes to show that no matter how sometimes some Americans are not very accepting of differences and diversity, America itself as a whole is welcoming. America has a knack of taking everything in the world and making it her own, thus enabling herself to constantly evolve for the better. And, as long as America serves as the land of opportunity and freedom, new immigrants and their children will also experience the same identity crisis. But no matter how you slice it, these same people will be woven into the American fabric who help create a safety blanket for new people in search of new and better life.

I learned something valuable at Hahvhad.

During one of our group work, we were asked to categorize ourselves according to our working style.  Here are the categories:

North: You’re a let’s do it type of person. You like to jump right in and start doing the work, or if you come across a good idea, you want to implement it immediately.

South: You are person who likes to ask everybody’s opinion before you act. You take people’s feelings into consideration before going forward.

East: You’re a big picture type of person. You like to examine your options and test the proverbial water before you jump in and start doing the work.

West : You’re detail oriented and you like things that are systematic  and  in order.

After the categories were defined, I and my fellow school administrators were asked to group ourselves according to our self-perceived working styles. I thought for a second and then I got up and strutted my self to the East Side like George Jefferson.

So I’m an East Side boy who likes testing the water and looks at the big picture while I weigh my options. Ok, now I know why it took me forever to decide whether to buy the crimson Hahvhad shirt or the gray one.

I tried on both color shirts in both medium and large. I read the label to see if the shirts will shrink upon washing. The number or times that I’m going to wear the shirt were also considered. After I decided on my shirt, then I had to go through the same process for the rest of the family. Now you know I have a big family, right? The good news was that I had plenty of time to kill.

If I was pressed for time, then I would have “perpetrated” and would have acted as if I was from the North Side. Can you just imagine if I were a Southerner? Thank goodness!

On a serious note, the activity reinforced my long held notion that the reason why our school is successful is because our administrative teams represent all the compass points. We complement each other very well and as a result we are able to form a formidable team.

My marriage is also the same. We recognize each other’s strengths and weaknesses (not that I’m saying that my wife has weakness because she doesn’t) and we use this knowledge to create a harmonious home for our children.

What about you? Do you know your compass point and the compass points of your colleagues or your family?

 photo by Newsweek 

People always say that money can’t buy you happiness. Well, whoever came up with this saying probably didn’t have money.

In all my living years, I swear on God’s green earth that I have never seen a happy homeless person or a family in poverty dancing in the streets. In fact in my Chicago Suburban neighborhood the mood has been very somber the past few months as numerous homes go up for sale because of foreclosures.

However, I do see a lot of smiles everytime I see someone get a raise. A few weeks after tax filing also produces many happy feelings when people receive their tax refund.

I really don’t understand why someone would say such a thing and other people actually repeat it just to make themselves feel good because they don’t have money.

If money doesn’t make us happy or content, then why do we work so hard to make money? Why do we use money to measure our worth or value at work?

If money doesn’t buy happiness then why is it that money is the number one cause of marital strife?

If money doesn’t buy happiness then why is it that every time I can afford to go on a vacation and travel, I feel happy? Why is it that when I walk around my small modest house that my wife and I bought with our hard earn money, I feel happy?

Am I missing something here?

Maybe I’m advising my children all wrong. I tell them to find something they like and do their best to make a lot of money from it because in the long run, it will make their life easier. I tell them that raising a family is a lot easier when you have money. I tell them that if they have money, they can have more choices. In fact having money can actually save their life.

Take Katrina for example. The ones who were able to get out of New Orleans on time were the ones with the means to escape. These same people are the ones who are having an easier time re-building their lives. Now what happens to the ones who didn’t have money? Some still live in FEMA trailers or Motels.

Philosophically I do understand why some people say that money can’t buy happiness. But, pragmatically, I just don’t get it. Maybe you can help me shed some light with this issue.

What do you think?

I don’t know about you but my brain is fried. I can’t sustain a full post. So, I’m going to write a few mini-posts that you might find interesting.

Parenting Style and Reading Ability

One of our lecturers today is an Economist who collected extensive student data on factors that affect student achievement. He stated that based on research, children who come from a household whose parents are strict and warm at the same time are more likely to have higher reading comprehension. Consequently, students whose parents don’t provide a home with strict rules usually perform very low on reading comprehension test.

So there you go. Straight from a Senior Hahvad Professor, if you want your children to have excellent reading comprehension, you have to provide a home with strict rules but at the same time a home where your children feel safe and feel loved.

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A Don Imus Moment

Since I’m here by myself, every time we have group work, I usually team-up with my fellow Lone Rangers. During our group work today, I joined a couple of principals from different schools but they are from the same district.

We introduced our selves to each other and we exchanged pleasantries. They asked me about my school and I in turn did the same. One of my questions is about their schools’ demographics and this is the answer that was given to me by one them.

“Our demographics is pretty good.  We have two black kids who were adopted by white families, a few Asian and they do really well, and the rest are whites.”

I’m going to leave this one for you to dissect.

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My Best Friend Won The Lottery

One of the Assistant Principals who I met here at Hahvad said that her best friend won $4 million on the lottery.  I immediately said, “Great, now I can say that I know someone who knows someone who actually won the lottery.”

The other Assistant Principals listening to the story asked if her best friend gave her some money. She said, “She gave me a thousand dollars for a down payment for my Jeep.”

We all started laughing!

I said, “You gotta be kidding me. She won $4 million, and she only gave you, her best friend,  $1 thousand ?”

I know, $1 thousand is $1 thousand, but if I won $4 million on the lottery, I will definitely give my best friend more than $1 thousand. I would at least give him $1,001.00.

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A Pound of Flesh for A Hahvahd Shirt

No wonder Hahvahd is loaded with moooohlaaaaah. One Hahvahd shirt would cost you an arm and a leg.

I bought some souvenir shirts for my babe and the rugrats and I cried when I saw how much I had to pay.

I thought about giving it back, but you know how it is. When you have children, you cannot go home from a trip without a souvenir. The first thing that will come out of your children’s mouth is not, “Welcome home Daddy. I missed You. How’s your trip?” As soon as you walk-in through the door, your children will run up to you and say, “Daddy, wadya bring me?” Enough Said.

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This is it for now. I gotta go back to my homework and fill my head with more information so I can appear intelligent tomorrow during discussion.

My brain hurts.

Being around all of these brilliant people is mind boggling. The high level of discussion during our group sessions has streached my vocabaluary bank to its limits. It’s one thing to know a lot of sophisticated words but it’s another thing to actually use these words correctly.

Oh, yeah and the homework, goodness gracious great balls of fire, it’s just too much. Of course I can’t get away with not doing my homework or faking my way through it like I usually do because these people can smell bull shit a mile away.

Aside from the “work” I’m glad that I’m here. I am learning so much stuff. There are things that I’m learning that will definitely help my teachers and my school.

Of course everything would be a lot easier if my Babe and my rugrats are here with me. It’s amazing that as much as my family drives me crazy, they are also the same reason why I’m able to keep my sanity amidst all of the stress and pressure that the world imposes on me.

While it does get lonely here, especially in the evenings when I’m eating dinner by myself and when I’m about to sleep, I’m still glad that I’m here because the knowledge that I’m gaining will directly benefit the students in my school. And it’s great to discover that everyone who is participating from this summer institute shares the same goal, which is to improve their students’ education.

So looking at the big picture, the minor sacrifice of being away from my family is worth it. Now if I can only afford to eat a normal meal, then I’m good to go. Yes, it’s insanely expensive to live in Boston or Cambridge.