A Mother’s Sacrifice
I’m very fortunate that my 4 older children had the opportunity to be raised by a full time Stay At Home Mom. Now, I’m even more fortunate that my youngest is being raised by my sister-in-law. From 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., CJ’s nanny is Tita Alice or Ayi as CJ affectionately calls her.
Aside from taking care of CJ, out of the goodness of her heart, Ayi also manages to prepare dinner, clean the house, and watch over the other rugrats when they get home from work or school. While the extra things that she does for us are definitely a bonus, the most important impact she has is the mere fact that she’s exposing CJ to our Filipino culture and values. With Ayi, CJ has learned how to understand the Filipino language and a Filipino dialect, a privilege that CJ’s siblings enjoyed when Lucille took care of them full time.
While I’m thankful for Ayi’s role in my family, I cannot help but wonder how much pain and sacrifice she’s enduring. As we bask in her presence, Ayi’s children Sacha, Arvin, Kat-Kat, and Tricia are growing up without their mother. How could this be? The reason being is that Ayi has made the ultimate sacrifice. She has made the decision that in order for her children to have a better and brighter future she had to leave the Philippines and leave her children behind in order to find a better paying job.
She toils day and night, six days a week. She takes care of my family during the day and at night she takes care of a couple of elderly. And the money that she’s earned is sent to the Philippines to take care of her children’s expenses and schooling.
While remarkable, Ayi’s story is not unique in the Philippines. Many mothers make the difficult decision to leave the country to find better employment opportunity just so they can secure their children’s future. Most of these mothers end up finding jobs in other countries as care givers. The irony of this sad story cannot be ignored. These women give care to other people while their own children are left behind yearning for their mothers’ care.
It’s unfortunate that sometimes women like Ayi or SAHM or career moms are questioned and chastised for the choices that they make. They are criticized for every single thing that they do. But for some miraculous way, these moms find a way to shake these criticisms off and continue to focus on what is really important, which is their children.
I often wonder what Ayi feels every time she feeds CJ or give him a bath. I sometimes want to be in her shoes just so that I can have a better understanding of what she’s going through. But, as usual during these times of wonderment, reality again smacks me upside my head and loudly says, “Fool, you wouldn’t last a minute being in her shoes.
Reality is definitely right. I wouldn’t cut it as a mom, like Ayi, only the best ones can.
This is heartbreaking, and inspiring. You know, she is giving her children a better life, and a better future. She is doing the very best she can for them. That’s what parenting is all about, isn’t it?
I believe that, were I in her shoes, I would be thinking of my own dear children, loving them and missing them, but also feeling hopeful that my absence now means a better tomorrow for them.
As a SAHM, myself, I have to say that the worst criticism I’ve had on the topic was from other women who went back to work after having children, or who haven’t had children at all. I choose to be at home to raise and school my son, even when I know that a second income would make life much easier for us. That said, if I thought that my income was the difference between poverty and a better life, I would do what I had to to ensure that my son had the best possible life.
Given the love you’ve shown your children, I think you would do fine in Ayi’s shoes…or at least in some version your size. Parents do what they must, yes?
Here’s hoping that humanity rights itself and finds its heart (so long lost) and women like Ayi will one day soon find that they don’t have to leave their children behind to raise them.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Wow this is really a heartwarming post. It is indeed a sad fact that mother’s have to leave the country to give their children a better future. She is one great mom to do this sacrifice!
off topic: hehe don’t be jealous, you’re goin to europe next year right? just giving you some ideas of places to see.
Cheers!
I know that I wouldn’t cut it as a mom either. I watched my nephew and his mom, it’s not easy. He always whines and goes to her. My brother, the father, gets all the fun stuff. He runs up to him when he walks in the door after a tough day. It’s cool to see his face light up. Then I look over at his wife’s face and she is exhausted.
I’m just glad that mothers love their kids so much.
@Kyddryn–Yes, parents do what they must. I am just fortunate that I don’t have to make a tough choice like Ayi did.
@Pinay Jade–Being Filipino, I am sure you know some people that have done this sacrifice. Make sure you visit the Globe and post some pictures.
@Karl Staib–A mother’s love is the very definition of an unconditional love.
tita alice is only here so she can cook me spaghetti.
It’s a heart breaker alright. I hate not being able to spend time with my kids. If I have to work late and don’t see my boys to bed, I’m heart broken. I couldn’t imagine having to leave them. I know how hard life is in the Philippines and I do think she’s doing the right thing.
@Prodigal Son–After this comment, you better smell your spaghetti before you eat it!
Oh my goodness. you gave me goosebumps and made me cry at the same time. I cannot imagine having to make that choice. She must be an amazing person!
I can’t imagine doing something like Ayi has and I know it’s impossible for me to comprehend what it must be like for her. Her children must miss her terribly and I hope they understand what she has so obviously sacrificed one day. My uncle’s ex-wife was Fillipino and she did the same thing with her first daughter - left her in Manila to come to Australia. Eventually Lthe daughter came out here too, but by then she was a teenager and it definitely made things difficult between them.
I have chosen to stay home with my son to give him the kind of love and stability I believe is important to children. I am lucky in that I can earn money as a freelance copywriter when I want to and this can happen from home. When I don’t want to work or feel overloaded I just don’t work. And of course I can work on my novel from home so I am still satisfied as an individual. I don’t know what I’d do if necessity or the career I loved involved being away from my son for long periods of time. It would be torture. I like that I am the anchor in Bunny’s life. It may be exhausting and frustrating at times, but it is the most amazing feeling to hold your child and feel the warmth of his love and trust.
My prayers go out to your sister-in-law Chris and I hope your family is enveloping her in the love she so richly deserves.
Kelly
@Kelly–I’m like you, I hate being away from the rugrats. They drive me nuts but when I’m away from them, I feel incomplete. I too am fortunate that I don’t have to be away from my children to earn my livelihood. In fact, since I’m in education, my vacation time is in sync with theirs.
At least with Ayi, she can still be with family, just imagine the other parents who are by themselves and are away from their children.
It’s been a while since I was here last (as HotMomma) and I am lucky to have read this post. Indeed, scores of Filipina mothers make the ultimate sacrifice of depriving themselves of the daily joy of seeing and being with their kids just so they can secure a brighter future for them. It must be difficult and I take my hat off to any lady like Ayi.
Your family is lucky to have her. I hope and pray her kids will do well in life also.
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