Growing Old
photo by coolcards
This weekend we visited my parents to celebrate Mother’s Day. As my wife and my sister-in-law chatted with my mom in the dining room, I sat next to my dad to watch the Cubs game. As usual, in between his nodding off and yelling “hit the ball, man,” he would turn to me and ask how everything is going. And of course, I would say that everything is fine and we would proceed to talk about the children, sports, my sisters, and life in general.
On occasion he would give me a big smile and a head shake because he couldn’t believe how crazy I get sometimes with my ideas about life and politics.
During this light-hearted exchange, I can’t help but notice how my dad has aged. The years of work and responsibility has made their mark on his face and hands. As I examined his countenance during one his nodding off spell, I’m reminded of one of the many conversations that Smiley Face and I had in the car.
During one of our long trek home, Smiley Face looked at my hair and said “Daddy, you have a lot of gray hair.”
I kept my eyes on the road and responded, “I know, Daddy’s getting old.”
“But I don’t want you to get old,” she answered back.
“It’s ok,” I said. “We all grow old.”
She looked at me and said, “I still don’t want you to get old because when people get old, they die.” Then, as always, she looked away and continued to look at the stores, the people, and the cars that we passed by.
“Don’t worry, I going to be a live for a long time. Plus, I’m going to make sure that I’m around when you have your own children so that I can teach them how to be crazy like you.”
With this last comment, she again looked at me and gave me one of her patented smile.
After a conversation like this, I usually would change the radio station to the one she likes just to get another smile from her. And to top it off, I would sing a long with the music and of course she would cover hear ears pretending to hate my singing.
There’s never an easy way to deal with topics such as death. Until now, I still have difficulty grappling with my parents own mortality. I am sure that my children feel the same way. Smiley Face already knows that death is a part of life so there’s no need for me to elaborate. What I try to do whenever my children present this issue is to re-focus their thoughts to the more positive aspect of death, which is the life that preceeds it.
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“I kept my eyes on the road and responded, “I know, Daddy’s getting old.”
“But I don’t want you to get old,” she answered back.
“It’s ok,” I said. “We all grow old.”
So simple, and so powerful.
It’s a tough subject, isn’t it?
My parents are relatively young. They are in their early sixties. Buy my in laws are in their seventies and it just breaks my heart to see the accelerated aging process that takes place after the age of 70. It is difficult to go through, and to watch, and it makes me think “I don’t WANT to be THAT old”, but since the only alternative is dying young, that’s not very appealing either.
I do agree that we need to focus on the life that preceded the death, and it is our job and responsibility to make the most out of that life.
Chris -
I’m getting emotional reading this post. I’ve lost a brother when I was 9 years old. He was 7 years older than me but he possessed wisdom of life at that age. I used to make fun of him and he always with a big smile hugged me for my craziness. He loved me. Now, when I think about him, I get tears in my eye for a brother who shown me true meaning of selfless love.
Thanks
Shilpan
@Shilpan and Vered—I keep my self consciously aware that our time here on earth is limited. Therefore, I do my best to accept things that I cannot change, change things that I can, and enjoy the life that I’m given. I hope that my children will do the same.
My husband & I are lucky to have both of our parents around - however everytime they visit or we visit them I thank my lucky stars that we were able to see them.
*hugs*
Smart kid. It’s such a hard thing to talk about with kids.
Dang Chris - you really know how to bring it *strong.*
I am blessed to have both my parents around. My hubby’s parents, however, have both passed - so this has brought opportunity for us to talk about it.
Not too much, though… just counting my blessings and all my lucky stars…
Wow this is definitely a delicate subject. I didn’t want my father to die either but he just went on without giving me a sign…Smiley face loves you very much. Let them feel the love everyday.
Hi Chris,
I, unfortunately, have lost both of my parents. It was my Mother’s death that broke my heart (she was my best friend -my dad died when I was pretty young). Knowing everyone will lose their parents, the most important thing I can share is, treasure the moments you with them, share stories, smiles and hugs, take lots of pictures, and tell them you love them. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Make time to do it now.
The death of a loved one can tear our heart out, and send you on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Not communicating your feelings (when they are alive) will not only add to the length of the ride but can manifest into additional physiological problems, as well.
I believe Maria Shriver wrote a good book about death that’s targeted toward children.
I’ve deleted and wrote this comment a thousand times. Not sure what I want to say… Live life to the fullest, embrace the special moments, because tomorrow may never come. Young or old, death comes at any age.
@Everyone–This post is really for me. I have to constantly remind myself that as a son and as a father, I only have onse shot to do them well.
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