photo from clangnuts.com

It’s Earth Day! So I figured I would share with you an important study regarding Global Warming.

A researcher, me, has discovered after years of extensive study that the main reason for Global Warming is children. The reasearcher, me, followed children who came from different age group. These children are now 20, 18, 15, 11, and 3 years old respectively.

I have compiled massive amounts of data, but for the sake of brevity, I will summarize my findings, share my analysis and present my conclusion. The following is a brief account of my laborious effort in meticulously documenting the adverse effects of children on the environment.

Water: Water is perhaps one of the most important life-sustaining natural resource we have. We are also painfully aware that we don’t have an endless supply of fresh water. My research shows that the reason why we our losing our water supply at an alarming rate is because of children. Children use water like there’s no tomorrow. Here are some examples of this misuse and abuse attitude:

1. They take 30-45 minute showers, especially the girls, and their excuse is, “But Daddy, I have long hair.”

2. The boys are no better. They like to have the water running while they do a number 2 because, “…Daddy, the sound of water running calms me.”

3. The 3 year old is no exception. He keeps turning on the water, plugging the bathroom sink and watching the water flood the bathroom floor. Or better yet, he keeps flushing the toilet because he says, “…look Daddy, the spinning water, it’s cool, right?”

Electricity: Where do I possibly start on this one. I discovered that the children’s wasteful attitude towards electricity is not only detrimental to the evironment, but it also has a devastating effect on my glorious locks. But, this is another issue that will be tackled later. For now, I will focus on the children’s abusive use of electricity.

1. One is scared of the dark and has a habit of waking up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water. Naturally, the kitchen light needs to stay on to minimize the fear of darkness.

2. The 3 year old will turn on all the TV in the house, thank God we only have two, and leave it on because he likes to listen to his favorite shows while he plays with his toys.

3. The 20 year old will turn on his bedroom lights, leave it on forever, goes to the dining room, turns on the lights and leave it on forever, he goes to sleep, wakes up and goes to work without turning off the lights.

4. When they are all in the house, which is most of the time, the TV, computer, laptops, radio, lights, video game consoles and the air-condition are all blasting in full force.

Gas: As we speak, gas is almost $4.00/gallon. But this is not really important to these eco-assassins. Here’s what they do.

1. “Daddy, can I borrow your car, my car doesn’t have gas anymore.”

2. “Daddy, can I use the car, I’m going to the movies?”

3. “Daddy let’s got to the mall.” (replace mall with the following: park, McDonalds, grandmas house, etc…)

4. “Daddy, I missed the bus can you drive me to school?” or “Daddy, can you pick me up from school, I had to stay late.”

Plastic: It’s amazing how much plastic these eco-terrorists use during the course of their childhood. All you have to do is walk into my garage and you will see a landfill of plastic. On Christmas, birthdays, baptisms, graduations, bribery, these are the occasions when children use up the most plastic. Plastics are unfortuantely use for: toys, cellphones, mp3 and discman players, video game consoles and games, etc..

My account here, as a researcher, clearly exhibits children’s adverse effects on our environment. But, I only have myself to blame. It’s my dependence on the dimpled smiles, the infectious laughters, the hugs and kisses, the expressions on their faces when you arrive from work, the engaging conversations, the unending stories about their dreams last night, their crazy accounts of their days at school or at work, and the “Hi, Daddy” greetings. If I cannot end my addiction to these things, I will not be able to help the environment.

I tried many strategies to combat this malady in my home, but I was a miserable failure. However, there’s hope. They will soon grow-up, move out of the house and have their own children. When this happens, I can do my part for the environment.

But wait, when they have children, that means I am a grandfather, which means more toys and more car trips.

This is what I mean! The vicious cycle never ends. Children Are The Cause Of Global Warming!