picture from pro.corbis

My children will love this post or they will just turn away, say eeeewww and comment, “too much information dad.”

Here’s my question. Do children have a six sense when it comes to their parents’ love making rituals?

Why is it that every time you are in a frisky mood and getting that lovin’ feelin’, the children will somehow choose to ruin the mood? Does this happen only to me or does it happen to everybody?

I swear, their timing is especially impeccable during their toddler years. And of course during their teenage years, they purposely mess with your groove just to spite you.

Picture this. You’ve locked the bedroom door, the mood is set and after a long relaxing body massage, both of you are primed for the main event. You are reaching the pinnacle of pleasure and you are ready to submit to the primal gods. And at the point of no return you hear, BOOM! BOOM! BANG! BANG! BANG! DADDY OPEN THE DOOOOOOOOR, DADDY CAN I BORROW THE CAR? MAMA DO YOU HAVE SHAMPOO IN YOUR BATHROOM? DADDY BENITO IS BOTHERING ME!!!!!!

You stop, flop your head on the pillow, compose yourself, put your civilized garb on and you open the door and say, wat da…? After you fix all of the life threatening emergencies, you look at your better-half and say, why do we have children?

I just don’t get it. Why can’t they bother us when we’re just watching TV? Why can’t they come when you need them to, like when both of you are giving each other the silent treatment? Why do they constantly find a way to break-up your time alone as Venus and Adonis?

Do they get together and plan this whole thing up? I bet they do. I’m sure BJ comes up with the idea, Joanna hatches the plan, Benito fine tunes it with some evil twists, and Nikki and CJ go in as the first wave of attack. Yeah, I think that’s it. This is the only explanation to this whole phenomenon.

Wait, or maybe this is God’s way of promoting birth control. Hmmmmmmm…