The Family Genius
My life is the embodiment of irony. I am a walking and talking contradiction.
Everyday I give out advice to students on how to motivate themselves to do their work and stay in school. I give parenting advice to parents who need help with their insubordinate children. And yet, I have failed to motivate my second child into staying in school.
Joanna is our second child. She is brilliant. She is one of those students in High School who seem to be great at everything she does. She was a straight A student, played scholastic sports and a member of multiple social clubs. At 18 years old, she writes better than I can. And to top it off, her ACT scores are insanely good–put my scores to shame by a wide margin.
Throughout her schooling, there was never a problem with motivating her to do anything that’s school related. In fact, I had to sometimes tell her to slow down or take it easy or else she will burn herself out.
Everything seemed to be going well untill her second semester junior year. It was as if a light got turned off and then the motivated over-achieving student became indifferent and apathetic towards school. Her mother and I tried all we can to get her back on track, but all our efforts proved futile.
During my sleepless nights and worry, it occured to me that there isn’t much I or her mom can do. Joanna is at turning point in her life where she has to make the decisions for herself. She needs to decide whether this is the right path for her.
I also had to come to grips with the fact that her life is not an extension of mine. When an adult, which she is since she is already 18, gets to a certain point, any form of corrective measures will not work unless that adult is willing to be corrected. With both of these realizations, I have to accept that I cannot dictate what she needs to do anymore.
While I cannot make big decisions for her, I still have to be a parent. I still have to stay positive and make sure that she still has a home where she is loved and supported. I also have to remind her that while I do not support her decision to neglect her schooling, she has to know that school is not the all and be all (I can’t believe I just said that).
The funny thing is that I am not even freaking out that she might not even graduate high school because I know with great certainty that Joanna will be ok and that in her own way, she will be successful because like her mother and her siblings, she exhibits the quality of a survivor.
It’s just too bad that she’s not taking the path that I want her to take. Man, why do kids always try to make everything difficult. You lay everythig out perfectly for them and they have to mess things up, grow up and have their own personality and conviction.
I guess my only consolation from this is that hopefully Joanna will become a parent herself and that she will have to go through the same torturous path like her dad.
Ah, revenge is sweet and it will be mine! Mhuhahahaha, Mhuhahahahha…
Everyone and everything in our lives is an opportunity to learn lessons about ourselves. The story of your second daughter suggests this is an opportunity for you to learn to let go, release your desire to control, just as you are figuring out.
In my own life, I know people whose choices would not be my choices. An impulse inside me sometimes compels me to share what I would do in their shoes. However, with time, I am learning to step back and permit people to make their own mistakes and come to their own realisations. This is a lesson for me as well as lessons for others. We all grow together, even if we aren’t aware.
In the case of your daughter, you may be reassured to know lots of self-taught people in the world don’t have diplomas, but somehow do just fine. We each have our own conditioning and assumptions about “the best way to go” but our way is definitely not “the only way.” This is another opportunity for a lesson, that is, to remind ourselves our view of the world isn’t meant to be imposed on others. We are in the process or working through the significance and blindness of our own ways of thinking
Muahahahaha… yes
Buahahahaha… much better.
Actually mine is too. you know what the topic of my paper was supposed to be?
The Perils of Indifference
=]
Thanks for your comment over at A Good Husband. I feel for your situation. I was lucky enough that I stayed in school, but for the brilliant, it’s often a challenge of boredom. I have a couple of friends who were near failures in high school who are now doing very, very well for themselves. Public school is rough - but that’s a discussion for another time.
Good luck!
OO nga daddy.
Chris,
You seem to be an awesome father. It is certainly disappointing that she has taken “U” turn but she still has brilliant mind and may be with nurturing and love, you can find out what turned her off from the passion she once has.
Good luck my friend. I have two daughters and I can feel father’s pain.
Please visit my blog if you get time.
I like your blog and I’ve subscribed to it.
Thanks
Shilpan
“I also had to come to grips with the fact that her life is not an extension of mine.” This is SO HARD to do. Because in many ways, our kids *are* an extension of us.
I admire your patience and I feel your pain.
this hit way too close to home for me… lets just say that my mom and i had a very similar experience back in the day! but i did graduate HS and i did turn out ok, YAY! LOL!
Dude, yeah, my parents were downright GLEEFUL when I had children of my own.
Ah, revenge is sweet and it will be mine! Mhuhahahaha, Mhuhahahahha…
ahahahahaha in your face Joanna. Your going to have little Joanna’s. high five
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