Wat da Wat?

As a parent of 5 very intelligent and fun loving children, I am used to certain behaviors. One of these behaviors is their capacity to excel in school. All of the children excelled in academics, especially the Family Genius. She didn’t just excel in school; she super excelled to the infinity power.

For the Family Genius, school is like clock work; straight A, State finalist in academics, Varsity Player for Tennis, and an ACT scores deserving of an Ivy League acceptance letter. However, this all changed abruptly.

Last year, out from nowhere she became a new person. She hated going to school, failed a couple of her AP courses, and became indifferent with her academics.

My initial reaction was anger. I got angry with her for not doing what she was supposed to do. After the anger, I started levying consequences. I dismissed her recent behavior as teenage rebellion or teenage angst. I knew the Family Genius didn’t want to disappoint us so I figured that the multiple talks, guilt trips and consequences will work. Sadly, I was mistaken. Her behavior remained the same.

At this point, I was past my angry stage and well into my frustration stage. I was frustrated and resigned to the fact that there was nothing I can do but accept what is going on and hope that she’ll snap out of her funk. But, the Family Genius didn’t snap out of it.

We realized that this was more than teenage angst. She could be clinically depressed. As a next step, she started seeing a therapist. There was some improvement but it wasn’t significant. The strangest thing about all of this is that while she became apathetical with her academics, she remained involved with her extra curricular activities. In addition, she was still engaged with the daily family routine. We even played a lot of tennis together. She even got very excited because I was able to fix her crappy serve. She also went on a long summer vacation to the Philippines.

When she came back, she told me, “Daddy, I’m back,” meaning she’s back in her groove again. When I heard her utter these 3 words, my heart jumped and I started doing back flips and hand stands. Needless to say, I was happy. Our Family Genius is back! She was on her way again to right what is wrong and to prepare herself as the savior of the oppressed and the downtrodden.

But, her new found energy was short lived. It lasted only for the first semester. Perhaps all along, she knew what was going on but unfortunately, I didn’t. I didn’t know what to do anymore. So I left her alone with the hope that she will somehow work herself out of the hole that she was in. My wife and I suggested for her to see a therapist again but she declined.  Her age, 18, and her maturity determined why her mother and I had to respect her decision of not seeing a therapist.

She assured us that she will be ok and that everything will be fine. Come to think of it, this was the first time that she said that she’ll be ok and that she didn’t need therapy. So we let go and now we wait.

As I write this post, she is right, so far she’s fine. She recently came back from the State Science Olympiad and she placed 3rd out of hundreds of students statewide and she hasn’t missed a single school day. But, we still watch and wait.

Until now, my wife and I are still trying to figure out what really happened with her. Was it just certain circumstances at school, was it teenage angst, or was it depression that caused her to drastically change her behavior. Nevertheless, we went through it and learned many valuable lessons.

Perhaps this was just a phase or perhaps it will be on ongoing issue that could only be treated with professional help or medication. But regardless of what it was, when the time comes again that I have to deal with the same situation with my other children, I will be more prepared.

What is ironic about this whole episode is that I should have known better on how to deal with my own daughter’s issues because I am paid to know such things. All throughout my career, I have worked with families and students that went through the same exact thing we went through. Perhaps, I was too emotionally invested that my feelings clouded my own professional judgment. I guess I was like a surgeon who cannot operate on the patient because the patient is my child.

This episode in our life was a huge struggle and I thank the Family Genius for allowing me to share this with you. I don’t know if the Family Genius learned any valuable lessons from what she has gone through the past 2 years. But, I know for certain that I learned many things about her and about myself.

One of the most important lessons that I’ve learned is that as a father my expectations, my feelings and my emotions become secondary when dealing with my child’s own ambivalence and confusion. And as a result, because I am a father, my children’s peace becomes mine.

photo by triumphbooks.com

Perhaps the reason why I have such an optimistic view in life is because I am a DIE HARD CUB FAN!

Yes, it is true; they haven’t won a World Series since 1908, which makes it exactly 100 years. But I know for sure that if I die before the Cubs win the World Series, at least one of my children will be able to see this momentous occasion. And when this happens, all my children will undoubtedly order a World Series ring in my honor.

My fanaticism with the Cubs started with my dad. He was also a big Cub fan that is until the White Sox won the World Series and then he became a “Chicago Fan.” You can imagine how I felt that day when this was revealed to me. This was a betrayal beyond Benedict Arnold.  But, I had to get over it; after all he is my father.

What I don’t understand though is how my children are so indifferent when it comes to the Cubbies. I thought I raised them properly. We watched games together and I took them to see the game. But, the only one who really shows interest on the Cubs is the 3 year old, but this only happens if his favorite shows on TV are not on.

Perhaps my children’s apathy towards the Cubs is an ongoing conspiracy among my children to make Daddy’s life miserable. If you think that I am paranoid, keep on reading and judge for yourself. The following are examples of how my children purposely root against the Cubs just so they can spite me.

1. When we went to see the Cubs at Wrigley Field or see the Cross-town Classic against the Sox, they don’t even pay attention to the game. Their focus is on the cotton candy, ice cream, hot dogs, and going to the bathroom every time the Cubs are about to bat.

2. They always want to make a bet with me and of course they always pick the other team to win.

3. The Prodigal Son will text me from work just to let me know that the Cubs are losing or have lost. And, all his text messages are punctuated with, “Yea!”

4. I have been going to Cubs games for a long time now and I never had any opportunity to catch a ball. Finally, last year, the Family Genius and I went to one of the games. We had an excellent opportunity to grab a foul ball. The ball literally rolled passed the Family Genius and went under her seat. Instead of grabbing the ball, she allowed a kid sitting two seats down to go under her seat and to take the baseball. Man, the only time that I wanted her to be ruthless and selfish she couldn’t deliver for Daddy.

5. This is my favorite; the Guy in the Middle will actually watch the game with me so that he can make fun of the Cubs and then see how I would react. After a couple of, “Cubs sucks, there gonna lose, and aaaahaaaa,” the Guy in the Middle would normally exit the room because he knows that the next time he opens his mouth he will have to pay a hefty price.

Ok, my children are not really monstrous when it comes to the Cubs. They did mourn with me when the Cubs lost Game 6 of the 2003 National League Championship Series against the Florida Marlins; the infamous Bartman Ball incident. But this only lasted for the night. The following morning they were already hatching a plan on how to irk me for the next season.

This is ok. I can take all the abuse from them because they are my children and I love them. But mark my word. As soon as the Cubs win the World Series, I will redo all their bedrooms Cubby blue. Everything in their bedroom will remind them of the Cubs victory. I will play the song Go Cubs Go over and over again. And I will make them swear their allegiance to the Cubs and if they refuse to do so, then there’s always room in the garage.

GO CUBS!

I love Sunday morning brunch with the family, especially if I don’t have to prepare the brunch. My lovely wife just got back from the Philippines, and since she’s still in a jetlag mode and couldn’t sleep, she prepared a feast for the family. With the exception of the prodigal son, who is at work pulling a double shift, the family genius, the guy in the middle, smiley face, and CJ a.k.a. Sylar, are all present.

The best part of the Sunday morning brunch is not the food but the conversation. And as usuall the topics of conversation was all over the place. The person who gets the last point in from the previous topic usually controls the conversation.

We discussed a lot of important issues like:

1. Elvis never gave an anchor and always left the building before the show ends. This was the family genius’ topic. I have no idea how this got into the conversation.

2. There’s 3 things you have to do; travel the world, learn how to play an instrument, and learn a second language. They got this from one of their teachers. It sounds like a great advice to me. The children already know at least two languages and they are beginning to travel. So they are on their way to fulfilling this advice.

3. American hard core criminals will not last a day in Philippine prisons or with the Philippine Police. There’s a popular belief that the Philippine Police shoot the suspects first before firing off a warning shot. The children find this both very amusing and sad.

4. Who’s Daddy’s favorite? Smiley Face commented that I’m spoiling CJ (a.k.a. Sylar). The Guy In The Middle defended me by stating that Smiley Face also got most of the attention when she was the youngest. We all agreed that everything seems to even out in the scheme of things.

5. Rice Shortage. Since rice is a staple food for every Filipino household, this topic was important. I re-assured everyone that we are ok and that rice will always be present at the dinner table. The worse thing that could happen is that we will have spaghetti or burgers for dinner instead of good ole’ rice and whatever dish is prepared. The kiddies were relieved that we have a back-up plan just in case we run out of rice.

Ok, maybe the topics listed here were not really that important. However, what is important is that we are together and we had a conversation. The only downside to this Sunday brunch is that the Prodigal Son was not present. His work prevented him from sharing this moment with us.

I know soon the other children will also start missing meals and family gatherings. It’s just the way things work. But, at least I could hold on to this moment a little while longer. This trivial moment in time, no matter how insignificant it is, will contribute to the enduring bond of this family. And, it is in this moment, working their way through the insignificant chatter, my children’s fears, beliefs, hopes and dreams are usually revealed in their own majestic and magical way.

So as long as there’s bacon, eggs, and rice there’s no reason why Sunday brunch should not continue. If my wife and I consider the Sunday brunch is an intregal part of our family bonding, then we will have more trivial but insightful conversations like the ones listed above. 

My wife is comming back from the Philippines today. Needless to say, I cannot concentrate long enough to write down my ideas for today’s post.

To take the easy way out, I’m going to post a poem that captures the essence of my love for my wife (yes, cheese is ooozing out of me right now).

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…”
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

This is an in your face post to all the A-list bloggers out there with thousands of RSS subscribers and readers. Yes, I only have two averaged subscriber and sometimes it’s only one. But it doesn’t really matter, I am not envious or bitter because I know for a fact that GOD, yes the Almighty One, reads my blog.

How can I be sure? Read this!

Yesterday’s post was about how to listen to your children and how to be aware of their direct and indirect communication methods. I felt pretty good writing that post. I was able to really share some good information with my readers. This elation that enveloped me lasted the whole day. I was beaming with pride and confidence as I walk through the classrooms to observe some teachers and students. However, everything changed the minute we, Smiley Face and I, got into the car to go home.

I first asked how her day went. She said everything was great! So I said, “great.” I settled into my I’m getting ready to battle traffic mode. I turned on the music and I started to let my body relax. As soon as I pulled out of the school parking lot, God, with his/her divine humor, showed up.

Yes, God showed up! How? He made his presence known through my daughter Smiley Face.

Smiley Face started talking to me about her dreams. I turned down the radio and listened to her intently. It was the least I could do. Heck! I just posted on my blog the topic about listening to your children effectively. I would be the biggest hypocrite if I didn’t pay attention to my own daughter, my car buddy.

So, I listened. And listened. And listened some more. Geeeeez Loiiiis! She talked and talked and talked the entire trip, 1 1/2 hours worth of jabbing about dreams, video games, her analyzing dreams, her little brother’s dreams, and on and on and on.

I wanted to tune her off. I increased the radio volume a litte bit higher but she lowered it down so that I can hear her better. So I gave a lot of  really? huh? wow! you don’t say? that’s funny. ok. ok. ok…

I could not ignore her. I didn’t want to break the same advice I gave on my blog. I practice what I preach! But, oh how I wished she’d stop talking. I wished I had the courage to tell her to be quiet, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to stiffle her imagination and her self-expression.

By nature, Smiley Face, like everyone in the family, is a talker. But, like everyone in the family, she hardly speaks when she’s in the classroom. So after school, I become her default listener.

Wait, it gets better. When we got home, I thought my ears could finally rest. Sadly, God was not finish with me yet. As soon as we walked in, CJ, met us enthusiastically at the door and he started telling us stories about his day. Every time I look away, he would put his hands on my cheeks and made me look at him. I guess he was just trying to make sure if I was really listening to him. So, I got a healthy dose of “a day in a life of a 3 year old evil genius.”

My ears finally got their rest when everyone went to bed. I got ready for bed and acknowledge my true fan, God, that I got the message.

Maybe if I start going to church on Sundays instead of blog hopping, he would leave me alone?

Naaaaaaah…