Wat da Wat?

On one of my wife’s blog, she discussed how people in general do not fully recover from the pain that they have suffered through with their past relationships or from the feeling of betrayal that they might have gone through in the past with their current partner.

This comment struck me hard. I began examining my old wounds and analyze whether they have manifested somehow in the present. To a certain extent she is right. Some old emotional wounds that I thought were healed do open sometimes in the present even if they are not related to whatever is happening at that moment.

So the question is, when do you fully recover or will you ever recover and heal? Perhaps, I might not fully recover from all my emotional wounds. And perhaps it is not even important if I fully heal. What is important is how I manage and deal with the challenges ahead so that my past wounds will not open and cripple my better judgement. 

I can manage them but I do not think I can be fully healed because being fully healed means you would have forgotten what happened. If you forget what had happened then it might repeat itself. Being aware of your emotional scars will remind you of the pitfalls that you have fallen into and inturn these scars will make you more cognizant of the obstacles that lie ahead.

Of course this not true for everyone. We all have our ways of dealing with our emotional scars. However, one thing is for sure, when the next challenge comes, we all want to be ready so that we can make it through with more strength and courage.

Being a parent is difficult enough, add homework to the mix and parental difficulty increases. In the majority of American household, doing homework usually presents a stressful situation for parents and children. Mom and Dad constantly nag Johnny to do his homework. However, Johnny being tired from school has no motivation to do any kind of schoolwork. Mom or Dad more times than not resort to pleadings or threats so that Johnny will do his homework. Unfortunately, instead of heeding his parents request, Johnny tunes them out and continues to watch television and play his video game.

So what now?

As a parent ask yourself the following questions. Have I provided an environment for my child that is conducive for doing homework or studying? Do I make an effort to help my child with his homework or do I just nag? Do I regularly follow up with his teachers if he is doing is homework? If you answered yes to all of these and your child still refuses to do work, then maybe there are other issues that need to be addressed. But, if you answer no to at least one of the questions read-on.

First, if you want your child to consistently do his homework, you must provide a place in your home or somewhere else that would be conducive for learning activity. In short, remove all possible objects that might provide distraction like video games, t.v., and radio. Make sure that the room is well lit and that it is well insulated from noise.

Second, if you want your child to do his homework, you need to make a commitment in helping him do his homework. In other words, you need to be close to your child when he is doing his work. You cannot be outside or somewhere else while he does his homework because the moment that you are not close by, he will certainly stop doing his homework. Let’s face it, if your child is responsible enough to do his homework without being told, then he does not need your supervision. However, since he needs that extra push to get him to do his work, then you need to be there guiding him.

The last thing you must do consistently is to establish good communication with his teachers. Your child needs to be aware that you will be consistent in checking with his teacher whether his homework is turned in or not. Do not wait until the teacher calls you and informs you that your child is not doing his homework. Remember that the average teacher has at least over 100 students to track daily. As a result you may not hear about your child’s progress until the Parent Teacher Conference, which is usually 6 weeks later. So in other words, you have to be the number one advocate for your child when comes to his education.

Based on my experience as a teacher, students with clear academic expectations at home usually do well when it comes to homework. If you consistently employ these strategies early on in your child’s academic career, I am confident that they will carry this habit when they go to middle school and high school. Thus, giving them academic success which they can build upon throughout their lives.

One last thing, no matter how difficult the struggle is, you need to show your child that you will always be there to guide him and help him. Your assurance is the most important confidence booster that your child will receive.

Do you feel a sense of guilt when you spend the entire Sunday watching football or your favorite sports? You will be glad to know that you are not the only one. Many of us sensitive guys or what some of my friends call “wimps,” feel this guilt that somehow by watching sports all day or all weekend we are neglecting our wives, girlfriends, or fiancé.To ease this sense of guilt and to preserve our relationships and at the same time scream at the top of our lungs cheering for the Cubs, the Bears, the Bulls, and the Badgers, I came up with 5 highly effective strategies to employ during this time. Of course, being the sensitive husband that I am, I asked my wife to approve my list.

Here they are:

1. Do House Work: I do not mean for you to do the regular house work that you normally do like throwing out the garbage or vacuuming the carpet. What you need to do is the house work that she normally does and that she normally hates doing. My wife hates cleaning the bathroom and doing the laundry. So naturally I would do the laundry Saturday morning before the college games start. By the time the first college game is underway I am finished with the laundry and I can relax knowing that I have done something that would please my wife. For good measure, I make sure that she sees all the folded clothes just to remind her of my good deed. On Football Sunday, I tackle the bathrooms in our house. NFL kick-off starts usually around 12:00 p.m. If I start cleaning by 10 a.m. I could be finished by the time Terri, Howie and Jimmy go live on FOX. And of course again, I make a point that she notices that I am cleaning the bathroom. Sometimes when there’s a really big game and I don’t want to be disturbed during the game, I cook breakfast for her and my children, then after breakfast I clean the bathroom. This one is a grand slam! How can she complain or give you a guilt trip after performing all these good deeds. As I stated earlier, you have to do the chores that she normally does and that she hates to do. So if she hates washing the dishes roll-up your sleeves and start washing.

2. Shopping: This one is my wife’s favorite. There’s a few ways you can do this. You can either get her friends to take her shopping, have your children ask her to go shopping, or you can take her shopping the day before the game. I guarantee you that she will not forget this. And, if you need to improve your chances of guilt free sports weekend, make sure you hold her purse while she tries on different outfits.

3. Plan a Date after the Game: If your partner is like mine, then this strategy will work for you. Hype-up the “date” the day before or the morning of the big game. The key to the success of this strategy is to make her so excited and anxious about the date that she will spend a lot of time preparing for it. Since she will be pre-occupied with getting herself ready, she will not have the time to pay attention to you watching the game. She will be so busy trying to figure out the right outfit, matching her shoes and jewelry that by the time she finishes with all her preparation the games will be over and you will be all suited up and ready to go. If your team wins and end up having a nice time out with your lady, who knows you might get lucky before the night is over. This is what you call a perfect day.

4. Take the Children Out (if you have children):This is one of my favorites because she can have an alone time and I get a chance to spend time with my children. I take the children out two hours before the game starts. The first stop is food. As long as the children are fed, they will not be complaining. The next stop is my parents or my sister’s house. My children love going to their grandparents or aunt’s house because they will get spoiled. And my parents love it when we stop by because they get a chance to spend time with their grandchildren. While my parents and my children are busy spending time with each other, I go to the basement and turn on the game. One of the best parts of watching the game at my parents’ house is that there’s an endless supply of junk food. After the game, I may take the children out for dinner or catch a matinee show. Good time is had by all!

5. Give Her a Massage: If you don’t know how to give massages, LEARN! This strategy works every time. You can give your wife or girlfriend a massage 30 minutes before the game starts. Once you get better at this, you can give her a message while you watch the pre-game show. By the time the game starts, she will be so relax that she might fall asleep thus leaving you to watch the game in peace. Don’t worry if she wakes up during the game because she will be in such a good mood that most likely she will watch the game with you or better yet she will make you a snack and refresh your drink. Another advantage of giving her a massage is that if you do it right, there’s a good chance that you might get her frisky and if the stars are lined-up, you might get lucky before kick-off.

So there you have it, five very effective strategies for sensitive guys’ successful sports weekend. You can employ these strategies individually, combine them, or do a rotating schedule. The bottom line is that in order for you to really enjoy the game, you have to be guilt free from spending too much time in front of the television during the weekend.

Some of my friends say that I shouldn’t feel guilty doing this because I work hard all week and this a time for me to unwind. My wife says, unwinding and relaxing and watching sports all weekend is fine if you live by yourself. But, if you have a partner or a family, the weekend is really the only time that you can devote all your attention to them without worrying about work.

I agree with my wife, but at the same time also I need to satisfy my passion which is watching or playing sports. So with my desire to fulfill both of my passion, I came up with these strategies and I must say that it’s been working like clockwork.

Days before the South Carolina Presidential Primary, the Clinton campaign, Bill Clinton to be more precise, went on an offensive against Barack Obama. Because of their tactics, the Clinton campaign was accused of playing the race card. Many were appalled, including Senator Ted Kennedy which resulted in his endorsement of Obama.

Of all people, why would President Clinton, the champion of minority causes, would resort to this type of strategy.  I can only come up with one reason. The reason is that it is the only strategy that will stick and beat Obama.

Obama is smart, charismatic, and new. He has what America is looking for and need. The Clintons know this. Unfortunately for them they did not realize it until it was too late. Hillary’s invincibilty disappeared when the actual campaigning and voting started. They were caught with a dillema, how to defeat a clean, charismatic, and fresh candidate.

The only plausible solution, divide and conquer. Of course, nothing can divide America as quickly as the issue of race.

If you examine the results in South Carolina and Florida (even though Florida did not count) the Democrats overwhelmingly voted along the racial lines. Now with Edwards about to drop out of the race, his white supporters will most likely back Hillary.

I cannot wait for Super Tuesday so that I can see whether my theory holds water. I hope that I can be proven wrong so that I can dismiss this as one of my crazy notions or as one of my students put it, “that I am thinking too much way out of the box.”

CJ is my youngest child. He is three years old and he loves to be read to. He and I spent about one hour tonight  reading and re-reading his books. In our home, Cj always sees someone reading and naturally as a curious and precocious three year old, he also wants to read like everyone else.  He sees me reading magazines, his mother reading and writing blogs, and his sisters reading novels and anime. I am quite certain that our reading time together will surely make a positive impact on his reading skills.

Like his siblings, when he gets older CJ will never be pressured to pick up a book and read because he will do so willingly. He will read for the love and enjoyment of reading because he is constantly exposed to reading.

As an educator parents always ask me to give them advice on how to improve their child’s reading skills. My first answer that I always give is not to buy more books, to get tutoring, or to decrease television and increase reading time, but rather for them, the parents, to read. I inform them that if their child sees them reading consistently, then their child will mimick thier behavior. I tell them that based on my experience, students who love to read or have high reading comprehension are usually students who come from a home that have parents who also enjoy reading.

Like my father before me, the love for reading has been passed on to my children. CJ’s love for reading will give him a lot of mileage once he starts school. He will enjoy school because he will be prepared to face any academic challenges that will come his way.